Zero to Douchebag in Under 30 Seconds

by Travis Hlavka on November 11, 2012

Have you helped an unknowing douchebag feel like a “real” douchebag lately??? In the following recant of one of my adventures at the ghyme (gym in layman’s terms), you will learn how to do just that.

SCENARIO: There are 3 big mats for stretching. All were occupied (one by me). One person leaves, and at the same time, an overweight older woman and a middle aged skinny dude walk up to the empty mat. ~Conversation Ensues~

DOUCHEBAG: Oh, did you want to use the mat

LADY: Yes, I would like to use it.

DOUCHEBAG: How bout we play rock/paper/scissors for it.

LADY: uhhhhh <looking confurseded>


Then the aforementioned Douchebag gets on the mat and the lady proceeds to begin her stretching on the hard wood floor. I get up and say, excuse me, you can have my mat. I finish my stretching on the hard wood floor like a man. POW!

SOOOO….. After said Douchebag steals a mat from a lady, he proceeds to do STANDING stretches for the next 10-15 minutes. (He was very tall and petite so he was probably afraid of falling over onto the hard floor and hurting his vagina.) [That’s a guy joke, it’s not derogatory.]

Luckily, I know he heard/saw me offering up my mat to the lady. So hopefully made him feel like a douchebag.

Final Thoughts: Good deeds are soooo much betterer when you can make someone else feel like an ass at the same time. POW!

Travis Hlavka (9 Posts)

I may act like a 12yr old a lot of the time, but that's because I have a genetic defect that will not allow me grow up. HOWEVER, I do take strength training and fitness very seriously and I love using what I know to help others reach their fitness goals and avoid the bazillion mistakes I've made in my 25+ yrs of training. Since I don't know everything, I never stop learning. Note: I am no longer a "certified" trainer, but I truly understand more about fitness and health now than I ever did with that official piece of paper.

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